I couldn’t find any hard statistics for how often battered wives return to their husbands. Activist websites seem to avoid the question, often claiming that it’s more important to ask why men abuse instead of why women allow it. Red Pill sociologist and comedian Bill Burr has made the point that this is like a fireman who doesn’t investigate what caused the fire after he puts it out, as though women were quietly knitting before the man snapped over the football game.
One source said 85% (!!!) of the time women return to their abusers, and another said two thirds. But many of these sites also perpetuate the bogus “1 in 5 women are raped” statistic. RamZPaul has said a friend who worked in a battered women’s shelter told him they almost always return. Whichever is the case, it is common knowledge that women very often stay with their abusers despite having all the reason in the world to bail. Everyone knows someone.
Even if a domestic violence website addresses why women stay, they blame it on financial need or fear of more violence, despite the women having all of society and the government ready to white knight on a moment’s notice. These activists think that women stay in violent relationships in order to escape more violence. The logic of that escapes me, especially because the men are usually put in jail. My theory is that women are just terrible at choosing a mate. Really shows that arranged marriages were for the women, not for the men.
I often wonder if domestic violence is the most sure way to prevent a divorce. I mean, no, you shouldn’t beat her with your fists for merely burning dinner, not only because it sends a message that you lack inner control but also because that’s the kind of force you use on an equal.
Morally, should you ever hit your wife or girlfriend? I’m ambivalent on the issue.
If the answer is yes, then at least the punishment should fit the crime. It would only be a calm but concentrated mild slap when she’s being grossly disrespectful to remind her to be grateful—the kind she knows was not an accident or an outburst. It won’t hurt her beyond a sting and a red blush that will die away in a few minutes. The divorce rate is far higher than the rate of women who leave abusive men, so it’s in your best gamble.
On the other hand, morality is about more than functionality. Just because something works doesn’t mean you should do it. Unless she first hits you, it’s probably immoral to slap her back.
Conclusion: Why I’m Pondering This
One would think this would be a simple question to solve. “Just don’t hit women.” But my generation was left without any guidance. We were given morals without fair reasoning behind it. If “Finding your dream job is the only way to be happy” turned out to be a false moral, then what else is?
So over the years I’ve learned to question every moral or Truth I’m given. It’s a sad reality, but without reliable guidance from my elders, I have no choice but to rely on my own fallible rationality. Scary, yes, but such is the world we live in.