Out of all the bits of unintentional comedy that has come from Trump winning the election, probably my favorite is all the celebrities — using the term loosely — who think they could be the next president. Because if Trump is a self-absorbed total moron, then anyone can do it with the right name recognition. Some people even think that Michelle Obama could be the next president, as though America would ever elect an angry black woman who went on Oprah on father’s day to lecture the men of the country about how much we suck.
I think my favorite is Mark Zuckerberg. I really hope he runs in 2020 just so I can laugh at his colossal loss (though I realize the liberals and neocons said the exact same thing about Trump). Zuckerberg thinks that making speeches about the brave new future and donating money to a charity will endear him in the eyes of a people who see him as, at best, a necessary evil and, at worst, a James Bond supervillain. People are already worried about the government hoarding all their data and cracking down on free speech. There’s no way they’ll support anything that even looks like a merger between Facebook and the federal government.
It all goes to show just how much the leftwing doesn’t understand Trump. Trump was a one-time special event that will almost certainly never happen again. Maybe in 2024 we’ll see Eric Trump or Ben Carson, but even those would be riding on their connections to him. Trump got elected by saying the things that voters was thinking but politicians wouldn’t say. He tapped into the stay-at-home voter who thought that both parties were basically the same anyway. But now the overton window has been forced so wide that we can almost say anything. The kind of emotional connection Trump made with his supporters over breaking down the political echo chamber can’t happen two election cycles in a row.
What could Zuckerberg possibly say that could even compare? How would his platform be any different than Hillary Clinton’s? The guy isn’t going to turn into a paleocon over night. I realize Trump very much leaned Democrat before running, but that’s (most likely) just him doing what was best for his business. Trump is a Carnegie: He spent his life screwing over people, and now that he’s at the end, he wants to do something sacrificial for the good of the nation that will make him go down in history as a beloved philanthropist.
Zuckerberg, however, is a true believer. He wants the rigid global harmony that will secure a place for spergy liberal Jews to exist without having to worry about being handed Bible tracts on the sidewalk. He’s like Google with a face. He wants to re-code society like it’s a computer program.
Hillary at least had some nostalgia points and maybe a baseline of charisma. Zuckerberg just has a website everyone is addicted to but says they hate. America will never elect a Jew as president, because any president has to at least pretend to be a Christian.
The only way the Democrats have a shot at 2020 is if the congress can stop Trump from building the wall. If that happens, there’s a good chance the Republican base will stay home convinced that democracy doesn’t work after all. Granted, the Democrats won’t gain any voters, because they have torched their credibility so hard that it will take a solid decade to recover, but maybe the Republicans can lose enough voters. If only a quarter of the electorate shows up instead of half, the Democrats could get the win.
The problem inherent within the Democratic Party is that liberalism needs a central Jesus figure who will defeat evil and bring in the new kingdom of peace. And currently almost all major Democrat figures are saying the insane things about impeaching Trump and banning hate speech that they have to say for their voter base but will alienate most of the country. If they run a Joe Manchin or a Jim Webb in 2024, they may get some moderates, but the core of the Democratic Party will stay home. And the super-delegates will never allow that to happen.
Probably the most party-destructive thing Obama did was make the far left into the mainstream left. The center left either went center right or far left, but today there is no more center left. What few remained in 2016 abandoned the Democratic Party after the leftwing meltdown after the election, having seen where leftism leads. Or at least, if liberalism is based on being cool and having fun, the Democratic Party became very not fun and very not cool after election night.
I have a friend who three years ago was a devout feminist horrified at my writing who today mostly agrees with me even though she insists she still doesn’t like Trump. I think she’s bitter that pro-life feminists weren’t allowed at the sharia-sponsored women’s march after the inauguration, as though attending that wouldn’t be a total embarrassment.
I can’t even imagine what the center left would look like today. Obama won my senior year in high school. I guess back then there were Democrats who were concerned about the environment and the war but were uncomfortable with gay marriage and late-term abortion. Those people either went with the times into the kind of hateful Marxism that made up Bernie’s base or realized that ideologies are never static. The Bill Clinton years may have been fun, and hating Bush Jr may have been ever better, but eventually that ends up with dead cops and black race riots and all sorts of things that are unsavory to snooty upper middle class suburban whites.
And really, if you want to support gay marriage but don’t like socialized medicine, then the Republican Party has plenty of senators and congressmen who will give you a voice. The 2015 Republican Party was more or less the 2005 Democratic Party. Granted, this has always been the case as the Republicans compromise and move the political center farther to the left, but it’s sped up exponentially in the last decade.
What the Democrats need is a someone young and good-looking who can talk about poverty without making it a race thing. Ideally he would be Catholic. I mean, yeah, that’s just describing Kennedy, but in order to glue together the different victim cultures of the Democratic Party without having them compete for who gets more victim points while also winning the angry white person vote, you would need some eye-candy. Women will vote for a man just because he’s good-looking, so that covers your feminist angle. Blacks say they hate whites, but they know how much they actually need us, and they’re pissed off that Obama wasn’t quite the Jesus they believed he would be.
And it’s no longer the “white male” demographic, since Trump won the majority of white women. We’re all in this together. If the Democratic candidate could find a way to dog-whistle to blacks without actually mentioning them, and if he could make an economic platform that is less that reformed Marxism, he might have a shot. I think people are pretty tired of hearing about gay people, but maybe the Democratic Party could just throw them under the bus.
Thinking about it, they should probably do the same to the blacks. Black people tend to stay home on election day anyway, so they really shouldn’t matter. That was especially the case in this last election. Young people don’t vote, so the Democratic candidate has no need to hire a pop tart to sing at the campaign rallies. Those two demographics alone — blacks and young people — are most of your Marxists, and most Americans are really uncomfortable with how the gay identity movement has been targeting children in the last two years, so perhaps the next Democratic candidate could just denounce half of his voter base as godless deplorables and strong-arm the party back to the center, which in turn would force the Republicans to go even farther to the right, which would be just fantastic for all of us.