Commentary on Harry Potter: Book 6

Book One and Introduction; Book Two; Book Three; Book Four; Book Five; Book Six; Book Seven

 

Harry Potter 6. Rowling gives a meaningless filler scene about the muggle prime minister and how he relates to the minister of magic. This is to answer some of the questions the reader has because Rowling wrote the first book without thinking about how it affects later books. I don’t believe her claims about having this all sketched out in advance any more than I believe George Lucas’s.

Kind of like how quidditch is always won by the seeker, so she had to use every possible quirk to make the games different each time. Rowling even had Harry and Heroine leave the scene in the last book so that the goalie could somehow win the game, because women don’t understand sports. Like with her description of Harry’s and Ron’s struggles with romance, Rowling is the typical narcissistic liberal woman who can’t imagine what anyone else’s life is like. You could put her in a glass case at the Museum of Natural History. So no, the goalie doesn’t win the game.

I’m really tired of all the “memory modifications” done on the muggles. That’s all kinds of unethical, and Rowling doesn’t even treat it like a necessary evil. None of the characters ever say, “You know, maybe muggles have inherent rights and should live their lives in fullness and with the same dignity we want them to show us.” I bet in book 7 the (((ministry of magic))) builds gas camps for the muggles.

Who fired Cornelius Fudge? There’s no parliament. Who has the authority to overturn the one man who can make any law and apply it retroactively? Is he even elected? Rowling, being a woman, does not understand politics, hence why she votes Labour.

Oh, and the description of the new minister of magic as a lion and the prime minister’s understanding that in difficult and dangerous times people want a tough guy who is blunt and effective over a smiling bureaucrat who is conniving and self-interested? That’s why Trump beat Hillary.

*****

Chapter 2 of Harry Potter 6. More expository dialogue telling us how to feel. I can already guess the plot. Snape does a bunch of sketchy looking double spy stuff. Harry and friends try to discern what’s going on instead of just going to class. At the end it’s revealed that Snape is a good guy after all. Friendship is Magic.

I don’t understand why the death eaters follow Voldemort. He seems to cause them more harm than good. I imagine at a later point Rowling will pull out a deus ex machina excuse that clumsily explains all the plot holes so far before introducing some more.

I realize Snape dies eventually, because the broader plot has saturated society. I’m going to guess it’s this book. I bet it’s super heroic and he saves Harry’s life. I know Snape was in love with Lilly Potter and only left Voldemort after Lilly died (even though that was also when Voldemort died). So he probably gives a speech about how dying for Harry was his one last gift to the woman who friend zoned him and married his bully.

I also have a feeling that this book will revive the lost tradition of cheesy shrill dialogue that isn’t how people actually talk. I’m also ready for Dumbledore to die, because I’m tired of hearing his retarded name. Dumbledore? That’s the best Rowling could come up with? It sounds like a Winnie the Pooh character.

*****

“Now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress: Adventure.”
Prediction confirmed. The dialogue in Harry Potter 6 would be painful. I guess it will give me something to make fun of, so I really can’t complain.

Dumbledore goes to the Dursleys’ house to pick up Harry. He proceeds to bully and humiliate the Durselys in much the same way they did to Harry, because racists and fascists deserve every bad thing that happens to them. They aren’t people. They are beneath animals.

Granted, that’s how I treat the people at work I don’t like, but I’m sure there’s a rationalization I could find to show it isn’t a double standard.

Why is Dumbledore a good guy? We keep being told he is good, but that seems based on how powerful he is, which seems to be based on the blind draw of luck and genetics. At what point has Dumbledore done something to show us just how good of a person he is? There are lots of good characters, but Dumbledore is said to be so good that he surpasses everyone else’s goodness and is the most good good guy in the wizarding world.

*****

Harry Potter 6, chapter 4:

“I would take my hat off to you if I were not afraid of showering you in spiders.”
You know, during book 2 I was afraid I might actually enjoy these books and they would have redeeming literary merit. But Rowling never disappoints. Love her or hate her, she always gives you exactly what you want.

*****

About halfway through Harry Potter 6. So far nothing has really happened. Harry just ratted on Malfoy to McGonagall.

One thing I’ve realized is that these books are really cyclical. Something unusual disrupts the journey to Hogwarts. Strange event that causes there to be extra danger or special visitors to Hogwarts. There’s a secret that must be discovered. Some characters appear to be doing evil things. Some major side character goes away on a mysterious journey. Harry is kept from visiting Hagrid. Hogwarts has a secret chamber with no clear purpose. Harry and friends almost have a falling out.

I don’t understand the purpose of Hagrid. What does he do for the story? He isn’t a mentor figure or an anti-hero, and he doesn’t provide comic relief. Chekhov would murder Rowling with a gun.

*****

Harry Potter 6, the scene where Frodo and Gandalf have a flashback about the orphanage. I got a strong X-Men vibe. Like in the movies back when they were worth watching when Xavier and Magnet Hitler go to tell Jean they run a special school for girls like her, and she’s been exhibiting all these strange powers. Did that movie come out before the book? I suppose it’s an inevitable scene in a series about a special school.

Anyway, there’s an interesting line where Professor X says that young Trump had a natural inclination towards “cruelty, secrecy, and domination.” He is also said to despise friendship and reliance on others.

What’s wrong with secrecy? Rowling seems to despise privacy. Harry is always going in forbidden places and rifling through people’s mail and memory bowls. Friendship is magic and people are inherently good, so the idea of being mistrustful of others is a clear sign of evil. And domination is categorically wrong because magic implies everyone is on an equal footing.

It’s Star Trek for millennials. A delightful socialist wonderland fantasy that is an accidental dystopian nightmare. I suppose Rowling’s feminism is as much a fantasy as magic and spaceships, so it seems appropriate. You’ll notice atheists and liberals (same difference) love science fiction and fantasy, since God didn’t give them the perfect hedonist paradise in the real world.

*****

Trundling along through Harry Potter 6. Christmas Party. Nothing is happening in the broader plot, so Rowling tries her hand again at feminist-friendly teenage romance.

The way boys actually work is that they are never just friends with girls. They may have a female friend they wouldn’t be involved with with out of some ethical reason, but almost never do they have a close female friend of the same age that they aren’t interested in. This is true whether in Kindergarten or as an old man. So it makes no sense at all that Harry and Ron wouldn’t have spent the last five years fighting over Hermoine.

Nor does it make sense that Harry just now notices Ginny now that she’s sleeping with that prissy kid who’s had all of three lines in the whole series.

Hermoine suddenly notices Ron after friend-zoning him for five years. Ron’s a social loser devoid of charisma or confidence. There’s no reason any girl would be interested in him, and somehow he hooks up with a girl at a party after a soccer game. That one night stand turns into an actual relationship, which we see almost nothing of. I don’t know anything about this character except that she had a loud voice, so we’ll just refer to her as Pants.

So Hermoine gets all jealous about Pants and pretends to sleep with that Irish kid they just met even though they’ve been in the same house for six years. But she’s madly in love with Ron, probably because of a stupid potion. And Ron’s upset because she slept with that older German foreign exchange student a few years ago even though he doesn’t seem to have cared until now.

Ginny continues to be the school tart, because that’s a common side effect of having a bunch of brothers. You can tell Ron’s the only brother in the family who can’t get any girl to let him give her the “snog,” to use Rowling’s word. Maybe Pants is one of those fat bisexual wiccan girls from a bad home.

I think Ginny has been with three different guys by now, which is a lot for the sophomore year in a school where no one has a sex drive. It feels like an episode of Full House. Harry could do better. At the least she seems to be pretty outgoing and a lot more fun than Ron.

Ron, obviously, is just using Pants to make Hermoine jealous, because these characters are all terrible people. Hellen Keller could see Hermoine wants his snog, but Ron is such a social retard that he thinks he needs to play these stupid high school games. For some reason this turns Hermoine on instead of making her realize what a coward Ron is.

If it seems like these posts are speeding up, that’s because I just realized that mp3 files are much small than on cd and therefore I can listen through at work. So I should be finished with the series before my library card expires.

*****

Chapter in Harry Potter 6 where he sees the memories of Voldemort looking at the locket and asking Professor X for a job.

1) What’s the difference between Voldemort and the ministry? Both use memory modification spells. That’s a lot of responsibility and a lot of room for exploitation. Does it really matter why it’s done?

2) Rowling seems to have the typical leftist idea that public school teachers are the true saints of society. Yet none of her fans wanted to grow up to be like Dumbledore, who dedicated his life into investing in others at an individual level. They want to be like Harry, who is young and handsome and gets everything he wants right away. Harry doesn’t need wisdom and patience in order to be the hero.

*****

End of Harry Potter 6. Ginny breaks up with the priss because he shows conventional chivalry and she’s a strong feminist icon (I.e., bossy and a slag). Harry gladly laps up his sloppy seconds.

Harry almost murders Malfoy in the bathroom because he doesn’t know Latin, but Malfoy was about to do almost the same anyway. Harry isn’t expelled and is still too dumb to realize the book belonged to Voldemort (or an inconsequential surprise twist ending equivalent), a fact so clear that Rowling shouldn’t have bothered making it a mystery. This massive act of carelessness of Harry does not cause Griffindor to lose the soccer tournament, because that would hurt Harry’s pride too much.

The book was a throw back to the third book where there was no plot beyond exposition until the end. It was kind of hard to follow and I had to pause it several times. It took me a while to figure out why they couldn’t discern that Voldemort killed his uncle. For a book that was mostly dialogue, Rowling didn’t put enough in.

I like (in a cynical MST3k way) Rowling’s use of the term “creature in his chest” to describe the urging in Harry’s pants. Ginny also says she’s seen Harry’s chest.

Harry goes with Dumbledore to the cave and learns that Voldemort doesn’t understand the power of youth and love and warmth. They have an unclimactic escape, and then Dumbledore dies an unnecessary and unclimactic death. At the least he could have petrified Draco instead of lecturing him about racism.

Then Rowling ruins Snape’s character after six books of buildup. He was supposed to be the morally ambiguous yin-yang bad good guy. It would have created an element of actual literature that tells a story about the frailty and darkness inside us all. Instead he does a clear act of cold betrayal, making his character totally uninteresting. At this point I’ve come to expect it from Rowling, so I’m not upset. Still, I had read somewhere that he’s the only Slytherin that was ever good, so this was a surprise.

I was always told that the later books are much darker than the early ones, but this is just fake horror. Maybe it’s inherent in having a goofy character like Dumbledore. So far the darkest by far was #3. I’m pretty disappointed. When do they sacrifice an unbaptized child and call upon Hecate to possess them?

This ending is probably the worst storytelling so far. There are too many shifts in emotional tone. We go from joy that Harry gets the girl, to another adventure, to panic about the castle attack, to mourning about Professor X, to a bittersweet moment where the French girl says she’ll stay with Bill in a very touching moment.

That’s where Rowling should have ended it. With two more chapters crying over Professor X, the reader burns out emotionally. We didn’t need to see every character’s reaction to the news, and we didn’t care that Harry lost the girl when we haven’t seen them together enough to feel connected. The last half hour or so just got tiring, and it was hard to pay attention.

And call me crazy, but I have a feeling Harry returns to Hogwarts the next year. The school is a character in itself. Having Harry travel all over England in revenge is out of tone with the whole series. Which means that Rowling will probably never have a Hogwarts scene again, because she doesn’t understand her own books.

 

Book One and Introduction; Book Two; Book Three; Book Four; Book Five; Book Six; Book Seven

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