The Problem With Blowjobs

This is a guest post from Fyodor the Felonious Fuck-up, who is a failed fictionist found in Fort Worth, Florida.

You know what feeling I want to be able to put in a story but fucking can’t? And I’m a little drunk, so this is weird. I want to be able to include a feeling of this kind of fuck up.

I have this thing where I can’t cum from head. I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m too polite, because I know I wouldn’t want some dude jizzing in my mouth. I don’t know, but I can’t come when a woman goes down on me.

So there’s this time when a girl says, “I want you to come in my mouth,” and you have to find a way to gracefully say that that is impossible. But there’s no way to gracefully say that, so she ends up rolling over and feeling bad about herself and you’re like, “No baby, it’s not you,” and she’s all like, “Was I doing a bad job?” and you have to tell her no and that she’s awesome and all that, but she doesn’t believe it, and that moment of her loving you so much that she wants all the pleasure to be yours is completely fucking gone and you’re just laying there thinking about how you can fuck up a moment that should be literally impossible to fuck up, and now that the intimate moment is ruined you have to go to sleep feeling like that.

It’s a very unique feeling that I can’t possibly find a way to express in words or a metaphor for because there isn’t a thing that feels that brand of shitty.

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